


Jouska

by whitchry9



Series: 23 Emotions [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Identity Reveal, Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4330626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jouska: (n) A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head. </p><p>Matt kept thinking how he could tell Foggy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jouska

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [23emotions](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/23emotions) collection. 



Matt had wanted to tell Foggy ever since the night he went out and beat up the man who hurt his own little girl.

He thought about how the conversation could play out as he rinsed the blood off his hands.

“Foggy, there's something about me I've never told you. I was trained for some unknowable war by a blind old man who was abusive and my senses are more sensitive than normal people. I can hear your heartbeat and I know it's increasing as I tell you this.”

And then Foggy would be angry and reply with something about how Matt could work as a doctor and diagnose heart attacks before they happened, and they would commiserate over how much a dick Stick was, and they would move past it.

 

But he didn't.

 

And then as he went on, as he began to make a name for himself, the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, after he rescued Karen, he reconsidered telling him.

He thought about the words he'd use to tell his best friend he'd been lying to him.

“Foggy, I was the one who rescued Karen. The reason I get beat up so much is because I'm fighting criminals at night. In a black mask. Yeah, that black mask.”

Foggy would make a joke about how it made so much sense. He'd ask about how Matt could do it, being blind and all. Matt would tell him about his senses and his training with Stick. Foggy would be grateful for him saving Karen and then make a comment about his poor costume choices. He would be angry for a while, but he would forgive Matt. Foggy would appreciate Matt's honesty in telling him.

 

But he didn't.

 

He wanted to tell Foggy the morning after he was beat half to death and thrown in Claire's dumpster. He wanted to share the pain of knowing a little boy was out there somewhere waiting for his father to rescue him. He wanted to tell Foggy how he took down nearly a dozen guys, all while beat half to hell himself.

Foggy would berate him for being an idiot, fret over his injuries, and then hug him when he found the article in the paper about the boy being returned home. It would be so easy to tell him then.

 

But he didn't.

 

Matt wanted to tell him after he heard Fisk's name for the first time, after Claire was taken and beat up in an effort to get to him.

Matt couldn't bear the thought of telling him when Foggy was in a hospital bed from a piece of shrapnel piercing his side during an explosion that he could have prevented. Not when everyone believed it was his alter ego who caused the explosion. He desperately wanted Foggy to know that it wasn't him who blew up those buildings, who killed those cops, that he was the one being framed and he would never hurt anyone like that.

But Matt didn't even know if there were words for that.

 

So he didn't.

 

There were so many times that Matt wanted to tell him, wanted to stop the lying. He wanted to be Maverick and Goose again, no secrets.

But he knew that as it went on, longer and longer, the lies piled up even higher, burying him in them. He knew that it would only become harder if he waited, but he just couldn't bring himself to have the conversation.

He just kept playing it out in his head, hoping that it would turn out as good as he tried to imagine it being.

 

But when it actually happened, it was not in a way he could have every predicted. It happened with him bloody and confused on his own couch and Foggy angry and half hungover.

It was the worst possible way it could have happened.

 

“I wouldn't have kept this from you, Matt. Not from you.”

“You don't know that. You don't know that.”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Foggy... wait. Foggy.” _Come back_.

 

But he didn't. 


End file.
